Awareness / Dating & Relationships

It’s Not Your Fault: Domestic Violence

This might be a touchy topic for some because either they are a survivor or victim of molestation, rape, or different types of domestic abuse or they know someone who is. I found that some people in fact don’t even know they are a victim of domestic violence because the definition is so broad. I learned that domestic violence can be:

  • Sexual
  • Mental
  • Physical
  • Emotional
  • Verbal
  • Withholding money
  • Stopping a partner from being Financially independent
  • Stalking
  • Intimidation
  • And Many More

“Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, religion, and culture.”

I wanted to write this blog because it holds a special place in my heart, and I feel there is not enough awareness to these kinds of topics so I wanted to start by bringing awareness because it was bought to my attention when I discovered how high the statistics of these occurrences have climbed. A few years ago I became a Certified State of Florida Volunteer for Domestic Violence, and while in training I could not believe how many of the people in the class that were there wanting to help other people get out of similar situations they themselves were in. I have to say 19 out of 20 were all there because they went through some sort of domestic violence or someone close in their family was a survivor. It made me realize just how much of a problem we have on our hands. I thought about how many of these cases don’t even get reported? And my answer was more than those that are reported. I learned that a lot of domestic violence victims are afraid to leave their current situation, or afraid to tell others because of threats, or afraid of what people might think of them. Some blame themselves, some do it out of fear thinking if they take the abuse then the abuse wont happen to the children or another family member in the household, but reality is it is no ones fault BUT the abuser.

After attending my training on domestic violence it made me wonder… WHY? Why would someone think it is okay to abuse someone in any kind of way, and I learned about the “Power & Control” wheel.

Within this wheel it talks about how an abuser abuses to have power and control of whatever might be going on with the victim. I learned that some people become abusers when they themselves have no control over their life or they feel powerless, and they feel at least they can have control over someone else which makes them feel they have power or they are able to control something or should I say someone.

I have volunteered in the domestic violence shelters, and I have seen domestic violence get the best of people, and I have even seen it happen with friends, and family so that goes to show you its everywhere. A lot of survivors of domestic violence hide the abuse out of shame or fear, and you will later found out the horror that the survivor had to go through, and a lot of times you wouldn’t even have a clue the domestic violence was going on. Key ways of knowing someone might be a victim of abuse is:

  • Isolation
  • Disconnect
  • Not doing the things they use to love to do
  • Withdrawn from people they love
  • Looking at the abuser for approval
  • Change in behavior

There are many other signs you can notice if you play close attention to the individual, and you will notice a change in their behavior from the way they might have been, or in the case of a child; when they are victims of abuse their behavior might change going from withdrawn or to the extreme, they might not be able to focus in school, might seem fearful of adults along with other signs.

Domestic violence is SERIOUS, and anyone going through it needs support from loved ones NOT judgment. The last thing you could ever do to a victim or a survivor is make them feel you are judging them because I can guarantee you they will shut down, and not come to you for help, and that’s the last thing you want because you might be their only option or help. When a victim is ready to leave just let them know you are there for them, but don’t judge them if they go back and forth to the abuser because sometimes it happens. A victim needs to be ready to go when they are ready to go NOT when you say its time because then they feel you’re judging them.

There are many reasons a victim stays and there are many reasons a victim goes back, which in their mind makes sense, however, we can not make them feel we are better than them because we really don’t know what all they are going through so again I say do not be judgmental. A victim must know:

  • They are not alone
  • It is NOT their fault
  • And help is available

If this blog does not hit home with you, and you don’t believe just how real domestic violence is listen to the “Lisa 911 Call” I attached to this blog, and you will hear just how real domestic violence is when a little girl is witnessing it, and decides to call the police because reality is domestic violence doesn’t just affect one person it affects the entire household and that includes the children.

“Abuse is NEVER a one time thing”

Lisa 911 Call

I attached this Canadian Public Service announcement because it was banned in the United States, but for what reason? The United States play so much violence on television, but a public service announcement that brings awareness to victims is being banned? You be the judge of it; why would they ban something like this? And what happened to the public service announcements that use to come on television? And they wonder why there is so much violence happening.

Banned in the US: Domestic Violence Public Service Announcement

If you know someone or you yourself are in a domestic violence relationship, and need someone to talk to here is the National Domestic Violence Hotline, and website.

National Domestic Violence Hotline


Please stay tuned for more information on domestic violence, but until then PLEASE be safe.


4 thoughts on “It’s Not Your Fault: Domestic Violence

  1. Pingback: LWTZE: The War Against Domestic Violence |

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